


and all I wish is to see your smile one more time

by arya_B



Series: Sleepy Hollow Alternate Ending [1]
Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Love Confessions, Memory Loss, but nobody's really dead, sort of inspired by The Almighty Johnsons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arya_B/pseuds/arya_B
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abbie gave herself to the box, but she's neither dead nor gone. However, things are not even close to being simple. There's a totalitarian evil godess on the loose and a certain Witness couldn't care less about his job until his partner is by his side again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. something was lost or damaged at lights out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not a perfect fix-it fanfiction. Someone mentioned that a perfect good way to excuse Nicole from the show without killing Abbie would be to give her some kind of amnesia from the supernatural, and this even would leave the possibility of special appearances. So this isn’t what I actually wanted to have seen on screen, but something that would make me tolerate a new season of Sleepy Hollow.
> 
> I didn’t watch the finale, I’m just using random elements I saw on tumblr. I have no intention that it gets even close to being canon compliant.
> 
> Joe is at the hospital recovering, because the shot killed the wendigo, but not the actual person and because I want.

The world is in a strange slow motion as Abbie jumps into the box.

Ichabod trips before he can hold her. So he screams, he’s begging, desperately, _please don’t do this again_.

“ABBIE NO!”

His voice sounds as if from far, far away.

He is too slow again. His lieutenant is going to sacrifice herself one more time. Except he won't let her go alone this time. Ichabod does the only thing he can. He jumps after her.

There is a blaze of light, but he can still see Abbie as she really is. An immortal Witness. A goddess. But there is light escaping her and sealing the box, allowing for The Hidden One to be absorbed.

“Goddammit, Crane stay out of this! You need to help Jenny” she says, with a voice that is more in his mind than anywhere else.

“I won’t go anywhere without you, Abbie”

But the box kicks him out anyway. It only needs one.

 

***

 

Crane wakes up to the sound of Jenny shooting the Hidden One's head. He’s gone, just like that. Abbie is lying not so far from Ichabod, unmoving. Crane rushes to her and as soon as he feels her weak pulse, he nearly burst into tears right there.  She’s alive, she isn’t lost. He takes her hand to his lips and her eyes flutter awake.

“Crane?”

“Abbie! Abbie, you’re alive. Thank heavens…”

His joy is interrupted soon enough though. Abbie's eyes roll back into her head and she releases a long, high pitched scream.

Pandora and Jenny seemed to be arguing. Something about a benevolent goddess. But both stop once Abbie screams.

“What happened to Abbie?” Ichabod shouts to Pandora, still holding Abbie in his arms. His voice cracking, as if unused for days.

Pandora looks at him as if he is an inconvenient bug.

“She gave up her soul to seal the box. It is what I needed to do to trap the Hidden One”

“What the hell does that means?” Jenny asks in fury “Is she dying?”

“Well, I have no idea how her body will respond. But she is no longer a Witness.”

The scream stops just as suddenly as it began and Abbie falls limp into Crane's arms. He stares at Pandora again.

“What is happening to her?” Crane asks walking towards her, furious.

“I don’t have to answer any of your questions. I rule this world now, and if you want to live in it, you should respect me. But… If you must know, I’ll be gentle. It hurts to unbecome”

And with that, she vanishes.

 

***

 

The next couple of days are a neverending mess of research and hospital visits. Joe is discharged - in one piece and wendigo-free - but not really in shape to do anything heavy, so it’s up to Crane, Jenny, Sophie and Ezra. Jenny tells him to sleep sometimes, but he can’t. Abbie is at the coma unit, unresponsive. None of the doctors seem to understand what is keeping her from waking up. According to Pandora, though, she has “unbecame” and no one, not Grace’s book, Washington’s bible or anything he gets his hands on can explain what does this mean.

Around them, of course, because is such a perfect timing for it, all hell is breaking loose.

Pandora hits one church after the other. No just churches, but also mosques and synagogues and spiritual centers. Any place where people would gather to pray. She’s an araut, proclaiming the Good News and expecting people to worship her. There has been messy attempts of stopping her, usually ending with death and destruction. Even Jenny is lacking on resources. Sophie says the police now is more concern with evacuating the city than actually fighting this enemy.

It’s been two days and it’s already a mess, an absolute mess. It is the very thing the Witnesses should be stopping. But he can’t fix it.

Not without Abbie.

 

***

 

There os warmness and the ever soothing smell of apple pie and ice cream. Sheriff Corbin is smiling at her. It’s the most peaceful feeling Abbie Mills has experienced in years.

“Is this heaven?”

“Far from it kid.”

The apple pie looks tempting, but old memories of the Purgatory keep her from trying a bite. Her mentor doesn’t seem inclined to convince her to eat though, and that seems like a good signal.

“Am I dead?”

“No. I suspect you’ll wake up soon. Your Crane is being pretty reckless on his duty as Witness while you’re taking a nap”

Abbie sighs

“He’s trying to save me.” she says, resigned and a bit annoyed. But there’s the edge of a smile on her voice. Of course he is doing that.

“Yes, and it’s a foolish attempt at that. There’s no need of saving. You’ll be perfectly healthy without his messy hands on it." Corbin makes a short pause to shake his head, before talking in a more serious tone "There is, however, things you must know before you wake.”

“Hmm?” Abbie is distracted by the pie. She'll be okay and Crane has to focus. Which means that there is no big emergency. Corbin raises an eyebrow at her.

“You can eat that, by the way. This isn’t the Purgatory, it’s just the waiting room.”

“The waiting room?”

“Yes. But we can always travel to another memory if the smell is too tempting but you don’t want to risk it”.

Abbie shrugs.

“Right now, I just want to understand what’s happening and when can I go back to help Crane.”

“Oh, Abbie” Sheriff Corbin looks suddenly very, very sad. He stares at his hands while talking.

“You were chosen. Out of all other descendants of Grace Dixon that could’ve been the Witness, this task was up to you. You were born a Witness. The next one, though, won’t be”

Abbie knows that something’s wrong. Corbin’s words make a way inside her and she knows it’s true, everything he’ll say. And when he stops talking, everything will be different.

“Being a Witness begins with the potential and an essence. It needs both to work. The essence wakes up the potential in you, then it becomes part of you. And then you are the Witness, for good. This essence is something incredibly powerful. It never dies and that’s why the Witnesses carry on, it’s not reincarnation per se, it’s just something that travels through time, until it can find its new vessel. What happened at that moment, with Pandora’s box, was extraordinary. In a world of extraordinary things. Your essence should only be parted from your soul on your dying time. But the box didn’t have to kill you. It just needed to take, let’s say, the magic in you. And now that will change you. You’ll forget.”

A very heavy weight lodges itself in Abbie’s stomach. _I'm not_   _a Witness anymore._  Her mouth goes dry and her eyes begin to fill up with tears.

“I’ll forget what?”

“Everything related to your part as Witness. The supernatural. Every monster, every god, every magical solution.The purgatory, the catacombs, the Horseman, 1776 and your meeting with Grace Dixon, Henry Parish, Katrina…”

“And Crane?” she interrupts him “Ichabod, I won’t-I, I couldn’t forget him. Could I?”

Corbin looks deep into her eyes. There’s no spark of hope there.

“I’m so sorry Abbie”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things if you don't know The Almighty Johnsons: they have Norse gods inside them, but it's just an essence that goes to them when they are 21yo and *SPOILER ALERT* it can be removed. However, if that happens, they don't forget the supernatural, but normal human beings around them forget who they are, even if they know someone is missing in their life.*SPOILER ALERT* so this is where I took my inspiration. If you have the chance, check this show, it's great!


	2. something bent or broke and now there's nothing but space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichabod finds a way to save the day. He doesn't find, however, a way to save his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe it's been over a year since I started this fic? I honestly didn't see the time passing. I knew, however, that this fic was never abandoned. I just had the mother of all writers's block. Since then we had the whole 4th season, the show was canceled, we all celebrated. I didn't watched the 4th season and I'm not interested in doing so, but I imagine that now that the show is over, it is easier for me to imagine the way I wanted it had carried on.

“I have an idea”

He explain it to the rest of the group. And it is so incredibly stupid that Ezra has to excuse himself from the room to keep himself from dragging Crane’s sorry ass through the mud.

“Wouldn’t that bring the Apocalypse?” Sophie asks wearily.

“Moloch’s apocalypse. But he’s gone. So, in theory…” Ichabod states. It is a long shot, but it makes sense.

“Well, we did look everywhere to find a way to stop Pandora, and so far it seems hopeless” Jenny adds “The Horseman we have fought successfully before. Her, not so much.”

Sophie looks to both at them as if they were mad. But she gets it, after a while. It’s about Abbie. Pandora, if defeated, can give them some answers. And they desperately need it.

 

***

 

Pandora is a melancholic prick.

The Hidden One is gone, she can rule the world, whatever. She isn’t happy. This world-domination mission seems to be taking a toll on her. Maybe that’s why, in the end, bringing her down is not so hard.

While making the arrangements for the plan, Crane is aware that Jenny is also calculating all the possible ways she could kill him if this doesn’t work. But it does. Miraculously, he dares say. He has a chat with his old friend, the Horseman cuts Pandora down. Jenny attempts to blow him up, but he manages to escape her. This will definitely come back to haunt them, but both of them try to be positive for the moment.

Pandora is dying, and it’s time to get all the information they can out of her.

The would-be queen of the world looks at her blood stained fingers. Death doesn’t seem to bother her. It's more like a minor inconvenience.

“You love her” she whispers to Crane, with her most obnoxious voice “She is your hope. She is your everything. And she will forget all about you.”

Crane breathes deep, trying not to shout at her. He asks through gritted teeth.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Of course he loves Abbie. Crane never told that to Pandora, but it was bloody obvious. He isn’t even ashamed of letting so much of his feelings so clear for her to see. That doesn’t matter, the other part does. What is this madwoman talking about?

“I didn’t killed her, I’m quite fond of Abbie, you see. But I took her from you. She is not on my box, she was never there. She is lying on a hospital bed, recovering from the hardest trauma her spirit ever took. But the Witness... That is gone from her soul, forever. And she will never know who you are again,” There’s an edge of a smile on Pandora’s voice. A final joke for the Witnesses.

Realization of what she is saying slowly dawns on him, but his mind won’t accept it.

“You are lying. You wouldn’t be able to that” Ichabod says, as threatening as he can be in that situation. 

“But I did. Enjoy life without your love, Ichabod Crane”

With a soft, music-like laugh, Pandora dies.

 

He stands there, looking at her corpse, which, like Katrina’s and Henry’s, is fluttering away. Her words must be deceitful, how could Abbie forget him? How could she no longer be a Witness?

Jenny’s voice hits him, pulling him back to here and now.

“Crane! The box is going to explode!”

Ichabod grabs the box to hide it on the tunnels. On his less successful attempt to run away, however, the explosion hits him on the back. A searing white light throws him far away.

 

***

 

It’s 2013 and Abbie is looking at him through cell bars. The day they met.

“Abbie!”

She walks away. He follows, to the Archives, to anywhere she’ll go. That’s what he does. That’s what he’ll always do.

Finally, they are at Miss Mills front porch. It was a perfect day, wasn’t it? Before Catacombs, before Boxes. Abbie is there with him and he can finally tell her…

But first, he must ask

“Abbie, are we dead?”

“No. This is just… Hum, let’s call it a waiting room.” she tries to be cheerful, but he can feel the sadness. Deep, deep within her “It was no picnic, we could’ve died, but as it is, life awaits both of us. Our hospital machines are happily beepint 'they are alive!' at this very moment.”

A weight lifts from his soul. Neither of them will die. That was all he that was hoping for.

“So we are going home.”

Abbie tries to smile, but stops midway with something that looks a lot like tears reaching her eyes.

“I don’t expect it’s _our_ home anymore, Crane.”

“Pandora said…” he begins, and is gently interrupted by Abbie.

“It wasn’t the soul, you see. I needed my soul to stay alive, and the box didn’t need my life. Just a spiritual source powerful enough. So it took my Witness' essency.”

“It hurts to unbecome. That’s what Pandora told me. What- what happened to you, Abbie?”

She takes a deep breath. Ichabod wants to believe that her next words will bring him some peace. But he already feels the grip in his heart tightening

“I was unbecoming a Witness. When we wake up, Abbie Mills will no longer be the other Witness. And she won’t know Ichabod Crane anymore.”

Something comes from very deep within Crane and explodes in a whispered ‘no’.

“No” he repeats. Then shouts “No! How could you possibly? How could I, possibly… Without you, I- no-”

“And you have to carry on the mission” she states, firmly.

“Without you?” impossible, he thinks. There is no mission without the lieutenant.

“Yes. It’s the only way Crane. Seven years of tribulation, remember? They won’t go away just because a detour-”

“How can you call this a detour Miss Mills?” he interrupts her “You are the heart and soul of our mission. This is no detour. I must say that the wagon has completely abandoned the track. This cannot be.”

“But it will be Crane. I’m not dead. I’ll be me. I’ll be in Sleepy Hollow, Agent Mills with the FBI. Maybe we’ll cross paths. But you are still there, still a Witness. I don’t know exactly how, but you will find the next Witness. I suppose my essency will find whoever have the potential to be her - or him, I don’t know how this works.”

The desolation on his face must have given her pause, because she interrupts the official speech, and holds his hands.

“I don’t like this either Crane. But Corbin explained to me. When the Witness essency leaves me, it will take away everything related to it. My brain is supposed to fill the holes about Jenny and Joe, because they were there before. I’m not so sure how it will be with my father. But there’s no explanation for you.”

That’s it then. That’s how he will lose her. A byproduct of two seconds in a box.

Well. No time to waste then.

“I love you, Miss M-... Abbie. I- I suspect I loved you from the very moment I saw your lovely face through the bars of that jail cell. And it took me so long to understand that love. I was so slow. And now you’re escaping from me and I never said-”

He has to stop to swallow his tears. Abbie is staring at him. A bit shocked. A bit so lovingly happy. He was so stupid. He holds her precious hands on his own and plants a kiss on them.

“My, my” she whispers “Be still my beating heart.”

He opens his eyes to find Abbie smiling the saddest smile he has ever seen.

“Crane…”

“I’ll find you, lieutenant. When this is over, I’ll find and we will have another chance. I promise.”

,"Well, you better Crane. Then we can talk this all through. And don't waste so much time next time."

He laughs through his tears, and a single tear rolls down Abbie's cheek.

“This isn’t a goodbye then."

"No" she answers "Just a ‘until we meet again’.”

“Precisely. And I will love you for every minute until then. And forever.”

“You know Crane, this are the worst circumstances. But... I guess I love you too. And I guess I wasted time as well. And I’m sorry that I can’t make the same promise.”

Abbie is crying for real now. Ichabod’s hands move to cup her face. He wipes her tears away.

“To know that you love me too is enough. This is what will give me strength to be the Witness without you.”

Abbie stands on her toes to kiss him. It is soft. And bittersweet and perfect. It is just how he dreamt it would be. Something that makes him whole. Abbie wraps her hands around his neck and he lifts her up. Ichabod knows, in that instant, that he we’ll never be truly happy again, not until he can hold Abbie Mills in his arms. He doesn’t want to let go, but knows he must. He already feels life pulling him back again.

“Until we meet again, my love.”

“Until then. And good luck.”

When Ichabod wakes up, his face is wet with tears. He can still taste Abbie’s kiss, but it is mingled with the regret and salt from his tears.

His room is empty, but he suspects a nurse will come in soon. Then he must explain Miss Jenny everything.

He doesn’t want to. He wants to go back to sleep, go back to that porch and never face a reality where Abbie is not around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All chapter's name are from the song "Under the Thumb". I will try post the next chapter soon, but I make no promises. Comments, questions or complaints are always welcome. Let me know what you think!


	3. tell me, was it something beautiful?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, she still wakes up screaming. She still dreams of the apocalypse, of wasted lands and a searing light. Of a calm woman named Grace Dixon telling her everything will be alright. She sees a psychologist that convinces her to let the past behind, so Abbie does her best. Maybe she doesn’t really want to know what happened, because there is no solution. Maybe knowing would just make her sad. Irreparably sad.

Abbie wakes up and her heart is racing. She feels like she was thrown in a blender that was, in turn, thrown into a roller coaster that looped an impossibly high number of times. It’s not only that every inch of her body hurts (which they do), but also as if her mind is all over the place. For a moment, she can’t even remember _who_ she is. As if she is scattered all around and when the pieces get back together, a big part of them is not there.

The light is too bright in her hospital room. (Oh, she knows she’s in a hospital room. That part is clear fast enough) She spots Joe (Corbin’s son? What is he even doing here?), and soon Jenny rushes towards her.

“Oh, Abbie, thank God!”

Jenny hugs her and Abbie is flushed with relief. Her sister is there. They made peace, after all these years. She can’t remember when that happened, but she knows she can’t spend another second estranged from Jenny.

“What happened?” she asks, still in her sister’s arms.

Jenny steps away and glances at Joe. It lasts only a second, but it unsettles Abbie.

“You were working on a case, remember? You were hit.”

“How? Was I shot?” she knows she wasn’t shot. Not exactly how, but she just feels it. A shot would’ve been something punctual, and whatever she had been through had been a full body experience.

“No…” again, the looks. Something bad had happened. Something so bad that they are too scared to even tell her.

“It was an explosion” Joe starts “You were underground, pursuing a woman. She died on the explosion.”

That makes sense and after just a second, the memory adjusts itself on her mind, as if its empty slot was just waiting for a suggestion to be filled.

“Ok” she says, but it is not ok at all.

Jenny hasn’t let go of her hand, and that feels meaningful. As if Abbie is fragile, and Jenny knows why. As if she’s grieving something.

A tear rolls down her cheek, and she can’t really tell why.

“Jenny, I feel like I’m missing something important. Something very, very important.”

Jenny shakes her head, suddenly crying too.

“You’ll be ok, Abbs, I promise”

 ***

 

Things slowly get back into place. The doctors say she has a concussion from the explosion, and that’s why her memory is so fuzzy. It doesn’t explain why the last two years are messed up, as if they were half dream, half made up. It doesn’t explain why her chest hurt whenever she sees a Starbucks, and why she suddenly knows so much about the Revolutionary War, with some details that seem so specific that either are total bullshit, or the absolute truth.

But there’s nothing wrong with her anymore, right? So things get back on track because there’s not much more that they can do.

 

It has been thirteen months since Abbie Mills has fully recovered from her coma.

Things are still bumpy with her father, but they are both trying. Jenny and Joe are carrying on with the sweetest, healthiest relationship her sister ever had. They are also the best support Abbie has had since Corbin was murdered by the serial killer with the ax.

The job is going well. Sometimes weird calls come in, but they always go to Sophie Foster, for some reason. That seems off, but Abbie tries not to care about it. David, her new partner - a young man that reminds her of Luke Morales, but in a good way - is trying to get her into role playing game, and she hides the fact that she doesn't get the appeal of fantasy. It is silly, absurd, not to mention that dungeons and wizards give her the chills.

She goes to her house alone every night and, most of the time it, is almost not lonely.

Sometimes, she still wakes up screaming. She still dreams of the apocalypse, of wasted lands and a searing light. Of a calm woman named Grace Dixon telling her everything will be alright. She sees a psychologist that convinces her to let the past behind, so Abbie does her best. Maybe she doesn’t really want to know what happened, because there is no solution. Maybe knowing would just make her sad. Irreparably sad.

 ***

David closes the last file and turns to Abbie with a smile.

“Ok. Reports filled, case closed, success all around. Great work, partner.”

“Hell of team here.”

Abbie and David do a fistbump and Abbie almost follows it up with the explosion. Almost. Her hand shakes a bit and the pang in her heart is there again. She twists her hands together instead and tries to think of something else.

“So, I’d say we have grounds for a celebration. Do you want grab a beer later?"

“Sorry, I'm still on antibiotics."

"Christ, David. If you had just drank more orange juice like I told you, you wouldn’t have gotten sick.”

“That’s not how bacteria work.”

“Yes, it is. Your immune system is a joke because all you eat is candy.”

David drops his shoulders, with fake embarrasment.

“Coffee and donuts instead?”

“Good for you you know me so well.” Abbie says, with a satisfied smile.

 

At the donut store, David is already at the table with a bag of three Cinnamon Apple Donuts (his usual worder), but Abbie is still scanning the menu, trying to decide between blueberry or something more decadent (she knows she deserves it), when a tall man enters the place.

He is very tall. Tall, dark and handsome, as the British would say, a thought that occurs to her when she hears his very English accent asking for a latte and the usual. ‘So he is a regular’, she thinks, wondering why she had never seen him there.

When he turns with his order in a to-go package, he looks straight at her.

And he looks terrified.

“Is everything ok, sir?”

The man looks like he is about to burst into tears. Not just fear, but sadness. And longing. A longing so deep that seems to match her own.

“I-I’m sorry. Yes, everything is alright. Completely alright. I am so sorry Miss Mil-”

Abbie frowns at his sudden stop. Does he know her?

“Miss. Excuse me.” he says fast, before rushing out of the store.

Abbie feels dizzy. Something happened. Something she should remember. Someone she should remember. It is impossible, she knows, but _against the impossibility_ , she should've met this man.

Faintly, she hears David calling her as she runs after the man.

"Excuse me, sir! Sir!"

Outside, Abbie even caughts a glimpse of his coat turning a street corner, but right after, she loses him from sight.

It is bad, she knows, because there was something about him that was exactly what she was looking for.

And yet, for some reason, she feels like things may have just started to get right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it till the end! I know, I was afraid that it would take me another year to do so, but I wasn't so terrible. Part 2 might come before 2019, but, as always, no promises.  
> I miss these dorks a lot, and I hope this fic offers some comfort, as it did to me as I wrote it.  
> Comments are always appreciated and #IchabbieForever


End file.
